After reading a post by Natasha Tracy on her blog Bipolar Burble, I've been thinking a lot about the reality of the disorder I have; accepting the gravity and seriousness of my diagnosis is not easy.
Bipolar Disorder will be with me in some form everyday for the rest of my life. Every morning I wake is a new war to wage against BP, and between my logical and illogical brains - yes, I like to think I have two brains!- its exhausting and confusing and frustrating.
I look forward to the times when this disorder won't be so all encompassing, but that doesn't mean its ever going to just go away one day. I can't have brain surgery to take out the bipolar bits and leave the rest.
Do I wish I didn't have Bipolar? Hell yeah!
But the reality of it, is that I do and I can't change it, I can only change the way I think about it.
This ^ is why I CHOOSE to let Bipolar be a positive part of my life, even if it sucks 99% of the time, even though its wildly flustering, even though it causes so much pain and difficulty. Even though it makes each day a fight to hold on to every bit of my life that Bipolar wants to destroy (relationships, sanity, motivation, my desire to live). All of these things may seem overwhelmingly negative, and they are. Maybe this is just my unfailing positivity mixed with naivety and the fact that I haven't yet spent years suffering from this disorder, but despite everything...
I am EMPATHETIC
I am CREATIVE
I am RESILIANT
I am INTELLIGENT
These are all qualities that tend to go hand in hand with BP. I don't want Bipolar to define who I am, I may not BE my disorder, but my disorder is certainly a PART OF WHO I AM.
So in order to cope, and I'm not saying its the right or only way to cope, it's just my way... but I have made the decision to let the few positive qualities hold more worth than the many negatives, and to understand the seriousness of BP, but not to be so serious about it all of the time.
HAPPY WEEKEND :)